We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This baby is an asshole
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
