We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
