and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
