Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
