So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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