No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
