Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
