you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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