Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
