my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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