Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
