somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
