Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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