Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
