No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
