non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
