Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
