so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
