Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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