Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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