I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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