Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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