I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
