This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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