Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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