i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't notice because vodka
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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