I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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