im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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