I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
