I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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