my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Enjoy the penises
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize