You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
