I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize