I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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