thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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