I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
