Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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