When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize