if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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