Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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