my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
