i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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