FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
