so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
