My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
