goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
