K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
