Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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