I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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