and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
