Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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