My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
