The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Randomize
