You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
