I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
