she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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