It's Friday. Sex?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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