There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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