i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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